Queer · and · Loathing · in · America

Well, the toothpain has ceased for a few hours now, and let's hope that the ceasefire can be negotiated into something more permanent.

I reread my earlier entry of today and groaned aloud. What an incessant whiner you are, I thought to myself. You have so much to be grateful for.

I've already selected the majority of my goals for 2009 (I don't believe in resolutions; long story and explanation I will not bore you with), and am feeling pretty good about the year 2008. As I cruised through the news sites on the Interwebs, the vast majority of editorials and so forth about the ending of 2008 had a theme of good riddance. It was a pretty crappy year on many levels, but there were also some really good things that happened as well. No year, it seems, is all bad or all good--it's usually a combination of the two, and it's about how and what you choose to remember about the year that colors your perception of whether it was good or bad.

It's very easy to be negative about things; to always see the bad in the mixture you are presented with by life, the universe and everything. I know I am very prone to seeing the dark rather than the light; but when I remember to look for the light, it always amazes me that I ever gravitate to the other end of the spectrum.

I think we should always, as the year turns, look back on the year and look for the positive things we experienced as well as look for the positive things in the negative experiences; even though it might be hard to find, there almost always is a positive to be found in everything. It may not be comforting--which is what we want--but there's always that positive outcome; no matter what I have endured, no matter how frightening or depressing or scary or stressful or whatever the negative emotion produced by any given situation--ultimately it turned out positive because I grew and learned from it. Life is a lesson that we perhaps never completely learn; we make mistakes and bad decisions, and sometimes fall into patterns of repeating them until we finally realize--and learn--that we are oft times responsible for a lot of the 'dramas' in our lives, and decisions made--and based-- in emotion almost always prove to be mistakes.

2008 could have been a better year on many levels; our country's economy almost completely collapsed, and the danger is far from over. I do not know whether our new administration and our new government will fix things; but at least they have an interest and a desire to try something different because the direction we have been on since 2001 has proved to be a disastrous one. It amazes me to realize, in my bumbling voyages through the Interwebs, that there are still people who consider George W. Bush to be a hero and a 'great' President, at which point I often wonder what color is the sky in their world? The horrible rift and animosity in this country needs to heal; this horrible tabloidization of our government has to stop. I know that I am just as guilty as my counterpoints on the opposite side of the spectrum--but I also do not believe insults, lies and slurs pretending to be political commentary should go unanswered--which certainly poses a conundrum.

I find it interesting that two of the big films recently released are actually political in nature: Milk and Frost/Nixon. I have not seen either, but both are getting raves and drawing audiences all over the country. Isn't it interesting (and coincidental) that shortly after the Prop 8 debacle in California, and the rebirth of activism around the country in response to it, that a film about a gay political hero and the early rights movement is released? (And should Milk win some Oscars, you can bet there will be some pointed acceptance speeches directed at Prop 8.) And in the closing days of the Bush administration, here comes Frost/Nixon, about the only US President to ever have to resign; the politician who devised the Southern Strategy that turned the Deep South red for apparently perpetuity; who committed horrible crimes against the people and the Constitution; who was a master of dirty tricks to get elected; who came up with the entire concept of the 'liberal media bias--all the nasty things that helped put George W. Bush in the White House. The patron saint of the Republican Party is Ronald Reagan (and I will spare you my thoughts on THAT), but one must never forget that the last Republican elected to the White House before Reagan was Richard Nixon.

On a personal level, there were things I certainly wished to accomplish in 2008 that I did not; but that does not lessen what I did accomplish. I had two novels come out. That's a pretty nice feeling; I sold some short stories as well. Did I write as much as I would have liked? No, but the answer to that question is always going to be no. Even though I don't believe in 'best' awards for books, it was nice to actually get one. I read a lot of good books this year. I got to travel some, which is always nice. Saints and Sinners was a lot of fun and I got to meet a lot of people there (and at other times throughout the year) which is always a welcome experience.

And as 2008 ticks away its last hours, with 2009 looming large on the horizon, I am holding up my arms on this rollercoaster as we start up another climb with another descent with a big smile on my face. Will I meet all of my goals for 2009? Probably not--but I hope I will be able to build on the joys, laughter and accomplishments of 2008, and that one year from tonight, when I type out my thoughts on the passing of 2009, I hope that I will remember to look for the light in order to cast out the darkness.